Hells yeah please ;)
I’ll tell you now, I’m not a lesbian or even bi, but I will get with a hot girl and I’d rather look at a naked girl than a naked guy… so will usually be watching the girl in porn or fantasise more about the girl than the guy during ‘me time’ ;)
There is now way you can say that these girls are not nommy http://www.frontarmy.com/category/girls/
Pluss it’s actually a pretty good mag :)

p> Hmm, for some reason I always think that midnight cleaning and washing up is a good idea…

So, following my exam on Thursday (which was ok I guess) I went over my friend E’s house (you know, the one I kinda think I might like) for coffee and dinner (completely innocent!) I went over at about 7 and, as things progressed, was there messing about and joking and bantering ‘till about 2 in the morning as I’d completely forgotten what the time was and had left my things downstairs. Now, at this point I was a little worried (partly because I had told my house mates I was going to be coming home around 11ish and they get worried when I don’t come back (I was once not seen because I had been in my room all day and they were worried that I had disappeared and were quite worried -.-)
Anyways… As it was kinda late and I didn’t fancy the 20 min trek from his to my place he offered me to stay over, so , naturally… I did.
We both went to sleep in his bed, as even though it’s just a single were both kinda small so we fitted comfortably. I had a blanket over me and he was using his quilt (we were both fully clothed and I was pretty warm) so I really didn’t think that there would be anything naughty(?) going on, and didn’t even think he liked me in that way anyway.
Well, we ended up going to bed about 4/5ish as we stayed up talking about the most random balls and laughing about how his house mates- who already think I slept with him before when I stayed there till about 2ish- will be ripping into him tomorrow for it.
Once we finally got to sleep we were pretty much on opposite sides of the bed, so, imagine my surprise when I’m gently woken up by him putting the quilt over me more (I’d kicked my blanket off me) and putting his arm over me. Well, being me, I guessed this was purely innocent and snuggled into him (I had warned him about being a cuddler in bed) and went back to sleep.
Well, we ended up very close indeed, and sleeping face to face with lips almost touching.
He kissed me, and I kissed him back. It was magical, it was both expected and unexpected at the same time. My heart pounded wildly and I could think of nothing but him.
As I opened my eyes I could see him smiling in the half light filtering through the curtains and kissed him again, more forcefully thins time. deeper.
He drew me closer still and started to caress my, jently sliding his hands under my shirt and lightly brushing my skin.
He lifted me on top of him and kissed me some more, moving me up and down, dry humping him, as he used his hand to stimulate me through my jeans.
As this continued I started to get cold feet, stated that this might be a bad idea (as much as I like him I really don’t think I want anything serious) and he agreed, but, we carried on anyway (partly my fault)
He took his top off, and the took of mine. We were entwined in his bed, trying to keep quiet so that his house mates wouldn’t hear us.
He the slipped his fingers inside of me, gently rubbing my clit and kissing me passionately as he did this, bringing me to the brink and then stopped, smiling wickedly, knowing that I was close and being pleased with himself for having this kind of control over me.
He slipped off my jeans and I almost started to panic, I didn’t want to sleep with him, and he knew that, yet he never put any pressure on me to. He slipped out of his own jeans and we bumped and grinned for quite some time, punctured with him playing with me, teasing me and vice versa.
After a while we were both quite warn out (it’s surprising how much just fooling around can take it out of you when you haven’t had much sleep and you’ve been at it for a good few hours! And we just cwtched up in bed under the quilt.
There was a knock at his door.
It was his house mate, who I know vaguely form last year. He had come to give E his phone, as he had just had a call from a friends boyfriends friend about where I was.
Turns out my house mates had called and text everyone that they could think of (including ex lovers) to see if they could find me (as stated before I had left my phone downstairs by accident). I was actually weak with laughter as E was on the phone answering questions about my where abouts and trying not to laugh himself. At this point I decided to get dressed and that it was time for me to go home. I checked my phone and called my house mates top tell them that I was on my way back and apologised profusely about not telling them where I was.
When I got back (after the dreaded walk of shame) they all ripped into me, joking about how I was a dirty little stop out and were a little angry at how I had worried them about where I was.
I don’t regret what I did that night, and I think that, given the chance, I would do it again (but this time tell my friends where I was). I think I like this guy, and maybe, when I am ready for something serious will ask him out (I don’t mind asking guys out too much).
Tbh, I don’t know where my emotions are these days, I sometimes think that I love (haha, love, what a joke) him, and then at other times think that I feel nothing for him.
And the worst part is that I do genuinely care for him, and would possibly count him as one of my best male friends, and really don’t want to lose that closeness and friendship that I have with him. I honestly don’t know whether I should go for it or not. He’s such a sweet, loving, caring guy that I don’t know if I want to take the risk, but then if I don’t will I always count him as ‘the one that got away’ or some other such cheesy balls that I don’t really believe in.

So yeah, I have an exam tomorrow, and I just decided I couldn’t care less :) I actually couldn’t! :D You see, I sued to be in a band, and play bass guitar. These were, in so many ways the best days of my life lol (yeah, I’m only 19, and I was between 14-15 then) but they were. I mean, you had all the perks of being in a band (did I mention we were an all female one ;D) and none of the actual responsibly :)
The best thing about being in a band is either the thrill you get when you’re on stage to about 100 people (yeah I was getting these kicks at 14) which is a rush, you can actually feel the adrenalin kick in, and your heart rate speed up, and… I guess it’s almost like a drug hit… you just feel amazing
Or the people you meet. I mean, during my time I met some VERY interesting people (even went out with one for a while). you get to meet other band members, who are interesting in their own right more often than not, and who all have an interesting storey to tell, you get to meet promoters who are from all walks of life and who quite often have some insane/neurotic disposition :), and fans, who, lets face can either get a little awe struck or can be amazing!
I’m writing this because I have just been listening to some of my old band’s music cover songs and :’) I just realised just how much I miss those old days! Days of being free from exam worry and free from stressing out about my future. I dream of the days where my time was spent running after my then boyfriend (ah, how much fun we had- ‘till you got too clingy so I got rid of you ;] ) and getting drink down Cardiff Fountains coz I was well cool I waz!!1 
Well, this all basically boils down to how I miss my younger days as a teenager with nothing better to do in the world than irritate everyone and anyone with rude words and crudeness.
So yeah, basically me and the ex guitarist have decided that we want to do a reunion gig, now this may be a little difficult seeing as 1) I live about 5 hours away from the other band members; 2) I haven’t played bass in over two years; 3) The drummer doesn’t own drums any more and hasn’t played in about the same amount of time as me; 4) The lead guitarist/vocalist has a baby! So we don’t know how up for it she would be atm :/
All in all this is making me realise that I don’t just have a legal career ahead of me (or just the possibility of one), I have the rest of my life too :D

…. That is all

Do not read if you are easily offended or are have strong humanitarian views!!!

Right, well since my last entry I went bowling with two of my longest friend who I don’t see very often as I now live around 5/6 hours away (and we’re all poor and all a little on the lazy side), what I’m writing about not does not concern them particularly, as it was only that I got dropped of and then picked up by my father that this is relevant, and the fact that before my encounter with my father I was in a verrrrrrrry good mood -.-
Well, as anyone who knows me will tell you, I have issues with my father, I think that he is quite lazy and very often self centred, well, today we were talking in the car about people, and how I absolutely despise stupid people, now, by stupid I don’t mean those that aren’t book smart, I mean the type of person who does not think or refuses to think.
Now I will be the first person to tell you that I’m not a particularly clever person, I mean, I have quite a bit of common sense at times, but I have to actually work towards this degree of mine, and I can be very stupid on occasions.
My issue is with the type of people who, through A FAULT OF THEIR OWN (I don’t even have a problem with those who actually lack the mental capacity to learn)! I take issue with the people who are ignorant, and unthinking, those that refuse to think beyond the most blatantly obvious and then state how random/cultured/OMG so totally out there they are!
It may sound harsh but I think that these people should be given a choice: 1/. Learn something, broaden your mind and start to actually THINK about the world and the possibility that there is something more to life that just sitting on your settee all day stuffing your face with crisps!
2/. Get shot in the face… Well, maybe not in the face, but somewhere that would be quick and painless.
And I know that this may sound harsh, but I really couldn’t care less, it is these kind of people that have put our state in the predicament that we are currently in! IF these people would just get up and contribute to society (yes, I know some of them do with the menial 9-5 jobs, and I suppose that I can tolerate these as they contribute to our society).
Now remember I said I was in a car with my father, this is where it gets interesting, you would have thought that we would have similar ideals… Haha… So many levels of wrong.
Firstly I stated that I didn’t think that people should be aloud to live if they were ignorant, thick or just plain lazy (again, I state that these are not for people who do not have the mental capacity to think for themselves but for people who are too lazy to do so), my father agreed with me on this, but perhaps not in reality and more in jest (trust me on this, I am deadly serious about it).
This discussion then went on to talk about how people who abuse the benefit system, and how I think that the Tori idea of people doing ‘free’ work when on benefits for a long time. I think that people should not be able to just be able to claim benefits for no other reason that they wish to ‘pursue their own interests/do their own thing’. This is where my father and I differ, he believes that he is a photographer, and as he believes this, he takes photographs and makes short films/documentaries, and all the time is on benefits. He once paid to have an exhibition, up for a week, and made a considerable loss on it… Yet still he claims that is was a success, I really think that someone like him should be able to pay for his own pursuits, and not use government hand outs to fund them. I would have no issue with him doing such things if he was to pay for them himself!
This conversation I was having some how ended up on the topic of bands, and how some bands are unable to ‘make it’, not because they are crap, but because they have jobs. Now, I believe that is a band is able to hold it’s own then they will be able to quit their jobs and be a band, now, my father thinks that if a band wants to be a band that they will be able to quit their jobs, go on the dole, wait 6 months, and then start the band as a business. Now you see, call me stupid, but I don’t think that this is fair, as that money could be better spent in other areas and that if a band will make it, it will make it. Without these hand outs, without the government pushing money in their hands and with a job in toe…
Well, I think this little post has conveyed my distaste for people (well, a lot of people anyway) and I really am sorry if this offends anyone, I really don’t mean to, I do believe that most people have a worth, and that it is a small minority that don’t. The main reason for this post is that I am starting to grow a great amount of disillusion for humanity as a whole, and starting to think that perhaps people aren’t worth my time any more, well, most people anyway, I still care about my friends :) and my family

A quick post to distract me from revision… EU LAW I HATE YOU!!!

I love thee with serotonin produced by my raphe Nuclei. I love thee with testosterone receptors deep in my hypothalamus. I love thee with dopamine that floods my primitive lizard brain….
I did not write that but wish I had!

So what is love? Is it a chemical imbalance in your brain, is it something that only lies in fairy tails told to small children or is it something deeper and more meaningful, a bond between two people that is (in theory) unbreakable?
I don’t believe in love, not in the traditional sense anyway! This may be because I have never been in love (boo hoo, 19 and never fallen in love) an this may be why I don’t believe in it. Now don’t get me wrong, I have cared for people, even more deeply than I may care to admit out loud, and I care for my family and know that:
1/. If anything were to happen to them I’d hurt the person that caused it!
2/. I would be seriously upset if something were ever to happen to them.
The bit about this ‘love’ thing that I don’t believe in is that it is ever lasting (perhaps it is different with family, but I know there have been times in my life when I have felt nothing but apathy for my father). This also may be because I that people change, and even within a relationship they will change, and you will change, and as you change/they change you/they may become people that the other does not like.
All in all I do not believe that romantic love, or the notion of one partner for life is something that will happen to me, but then again, a few years down the line I may end up changing my mind (I like the idea after all, and do hope that it exists)
Anyways, this has been quite rushed, so I may come back to it later :) If you have any comments on love, or would like to tell me that I’m wrong, please feel free :)

So for anyone who knows me the title may make sense, ad I have said before I can be a little bit ‘loose of morals’ and just enjoy life as it comes. Well, NYE I spent with one of my old school friends at a house party where she was the only person I knew. I ended up talking at great length with one of her friends Steve about life the universe and what is wrong with it (drunken philosophy FTW). Well, as I do I flirted, he literally shovelled triple sec after triple sec down me and I ended up kissing him to bring in the new year. I don’t know quite what I said to him afterwards, but he then went off into a bit of a huff (it was quite likely that either another guy there was fitter than he was or that I wasn’t going to sleep with him (both of which were true))
Anyways, as the night progressed we got closer and a little more snugly, and I ended up going for a walk with him that ended at his house. As previously stated I did not want to fuck him, and I told him this several times and he said that he respected me and my decision (in no way was I unsafe as people knew where I was and Sam would have warned me about him if there was any way in which he could be dodgy)
Well, we got to fooling around and I ended up going down on him (small penis = all the better to deep throat with let me tell you! ;) ) and he kept pestering me for penetration as we had done all besides. Wall, me being me and wanting to least half keep to my new years resolution of not being a slag denied him, to which he seemed to get a little upset about, but ah well, what you gonna do…
In the end my friend called asking me to go back to hers as I was staying there and didn’t have a key to get in, and Steve was still insisting that I allow him to ‘return the favour’ of an orgasm. I kept saying no and that I had to go to Sam’s place and in the end he got a little pissy with me for it. I edned up stealing his phone and convincing him that he should take me home (as I hadn’t a clue where I was) the walk back was pleasant enough tbh, and we had a little friendly banter going on.
Basically I have two new years resolutions
1) Stop being a slag
2) Get the hell on with my degree!

Looks like neither of these are going too well and I’m only 5 days into it…

So today I had planned on spending the vast majority of the day revising and writing my essay. I have exams coming up soon and have barely lifted a finger for revision! And to top it off I have gone to hardly a lecture in the past 4 weeks :/ this is because I am a lazy bitch and also a coward! Once I miss one lecture, I do not wish to go and see people who may think less of me, and people lecturers who will have noticed my absence.
Today instead I have eaten too much food, lazed around my sisters room (which is a make shift living room in our current house) and played CoD BlOps and talked to people on FB.
Problem being I’m not sure if I’m starting to develop feelings for one of them or not :S E is a lovely young lad, and I can easily talk to him for hours (and have done so on many occasions) but barf, I know that most of it is just mild banter on both our parts and a mutual slight geeky inclination.
Well, whatever, I’m always mildly attracted to the personality of someone or another of my friends :)

So I just got back home yesterday, and tbh I’m not 100% sure how happy I am about this :S I mean, yea I love seeing friends and family, but I know that three weeks of this is going to KILL me!!
I actually got the train back, which is an achievement in itself, as there is a LOT of snow and the previous day trains were running like crap but, contrary to what I thought it would by, my trip back was the quickest one I’ve had.

Now, as I’ve decided that this is going to be a diary this is what happened since my last entry
Thursday:
Did essay prep during the day and then drank a bit at home with Sian and Kate texting Kate’s ex off of her phone, then went out with Jess, Hayley, Prabh and Joe to Paddy’s for a classic ‘one or two’ it started snowing whilst we were there and we had a mini snow ball fight on the way back.
Friday:
Stayed in and refused to leave the house, eat almost everything and panicked a little about the amount of snow. Sian left around 11:30, had a nice day in on my own.
Saturday:
Woke up at 6:30 D: packed and got all my other stuff sorted, came back on train. Got to Y-Bwl at about 4:30, shockingly quick!!!
Today:
Will attempt to learn how to dance, will photoshop something and do a little essay work (was supposed to go see Beth for drinks but can’t afford it :/)